Dear LA.
Months ago I found myself sitting at our bar in Downtown, Los Angeles feeling fussy and fed up. By bar I don’t mean our local pub. In our apartment we had a skinny bar table set against one of our floor to ceiling windows. The view was beautiful and the way the sun lit up the alcohol bottles was a brilliant display of in home marketing. It’s where I would often sit and write.
On this particular morning I was just feeling crummy. Downtown had lost its luster on me, and I blaimed all of LA. I no longer enjoyed the noise. Covid had rid my corner of the city of the things I favored most. The first of them being my community. Many friends had left Los Angeles sometime between March, 2020 and June, 2022. I felt isolated while surrounded by noise and strangers. Shortly after shutdowns in March of 2020, the city had become home to protests, riots, loitering and a storm of political tension. Being in Downtown, we were in the heart of it. In addition, I had been battling a hormone imbalance that rendered me sad and/or enraged at any given moment. Don’t get me wrong, this is by no means a sob story. I knew better, I had gratitude but also needed to properly process my emotions in order to move past them. So I penned a breakup letter to LA. I craved open fields, nature and quiet. I wanted to breakup with Los Angeles. It’s not my best work, but it’s authentic and it’s exactly what I penned. (Overall, I love LA and I’m extremely grateful. I have much to be grateful for.)
Without further ado…
Dear LA
I don’t love you anymore.
You used to be the place of dreams. I knew you in my heart.
You and I were going to be a team. I loved you from the start.
Before we’d even met, I knew you were the one.
I was going to be a famous actress. I’d live on your ocean and play in your sun.
We were gonna be great together & life was going to be fun.
10 years later, I feel different now.
When I arrived, you were less than kind. Jobs weren’t easy to find. I’d apply everyday at an Audrey Hepburn themed cafe, then I’d go home to pray…Hike Runyon to pass time, then repeat the next day.
Eventually we found our rhythm…
I landed a job at a post house on Sunset.
I burned through four years, a choice I’d later come to regret.
I found a church in Hollywood, made good friends & met good people. Things were pretty good.
I met my fiance the summer of 2019. I didn’t like him at first, he seemed fussy and mean.
In March of 2020, the world shut down. I celebrated my 30th birthday with just two friends, my roommate and fiance gathered round.
Ian and I would become engaged in April of 2022 and just two months later I’d pen the words,
LA, I’m no longer in love with you.
You’re noisy & arrogant, prideful & ignorant.
You’re sunsets are brilliant.
Not to be naive, I’ll miss you when I leave. But this I can’t ignore,
LA, I don’t love you anymore.